When Things Are Difficult
Where do we go?
Originally published on Medium.
I have spent little time writing for my own sake in the last two and a half years. I haven’t published anything that wasn’t specifically a homework assignment for my master’s degree in the past fifteen months. I haven’t sat down in all this busyness I’ve made for myself and taken a space to breathe.
In under a year, my marriage ended, the job that I thought would be good wasn’t, I started dating someone new, my seizures became a huge issue, I changed jobs, my therapists changed, my biodad died, my mother created upheaval that had to be dealt with, I moved my home, and I finished my master’s degree and got my PMP.
I’ve learned a lot about myself. I regressed in some ways that I’m not proud of. I think that’s life, though. Life keeps moving on and changing, whether or not we’re ready for those changes. We move forward, we fall back. Sometimes, it hurts to breathe, but we get through because we aren’t alone.
It is difficult not to focus on all those bad, hard things, especially when we’re in the middle of them. People tell us, “It will be okay.” They tell us that we’re going to be fine. That we’re strong. That we’ll get through this. That we are only given what we can handle.
Seeing past the misery we’re suffering makes the aphorisms hurt, too. How dare they pretend things will be alright when they aren’t me? But the truth is that other people have gone through similar things and come out on the other side, scarred, yes, maybe also wiser, or at least less ignorant about those experiences. And that’s where our well-wishers are coming from. The space of knowing that suffering is happening and might continue happening. But the absolute truth of all those aphorisms is that nothing stays the same.
It’s up to us to discover a path to some personal peace and contentment despite all of those terrible things. We are responsible for what we can control — and what we can control is ourselves, our life view, and our happiness. We can seek out support. It changes nothing about the situation. We may still continue to suffer. But that doesn’t mean we have to give up.
Don’t get me wrong; there are still days when it’s hard to put one foot forward in front of the other. There are days I want to go back to bed and stay there. Some weeks are so difficult to navigate that I cry. But the world continues to move on, whether or not I do. People depend on me. I depend on me, too. And for now, that’s got to be enough.
Written by Sunshine Zombiegirl
Existential editor. Sort of undead jack of all trades. AKA Kate sunshinezombiegirl@gmail.com https://substack.com/profile/6384222-sunshine-zombiegirl